Men are Microwaves and Women are Crockpots, so let's bridge that gap

Women deserve great Sex. And I’m not talking about “well, that was fine” Sex. I’m talking about shame-free, enjoyable, satisfying, orgasmic pleasure.

Because yes, ladies, your pleasure matters too.

Year after year, women are becoming more comfortable talking about their sexuality, asking for what they want, and learning more about their bodies.

And yet, we still have a pretty BIG problem.

There is a noticeable gap between how often heterosexual men and women report having orgasms during sexual intimacy.

One study found that 95% of heterosexual men said they usually or always orgasm during sexual intimacy, compared with 65% of heterosexual women.

Yep. You read that right.

That’s a 30% orgasm gap.

So naturally, the question becomes…

WHY?!

Let’s Talk About Sex

Let’s start with something we don’t talk about nearly enough:

Sexual pleasure is still treated like a taboo topic.

Sex education often focuses on pregnancy prevention, STIs, and anatomy. Important? Absolutely.

But what about pleasure?

What about teaching women how their bodies actually work?

Many of us grew up learning that men are supposed to want sex, enjoy sex, and talk about sex.

Meanwhile, women can still be made to feel ashamed for having those exact same desires.

So we stay quiet.

We don’t ask for what feels good.

We pretend everything is fine.

And please, pretty lady...

STOP FAKING THE O.

Nobody is handing out trophies for convincing someone you had an orgasm.

When we don't communicate about what we actually want, we can end up with mediocre Sex, feeling inhibited, avoiding intimacy altogether, or simply wondering why everyone else seems to have figured this whole pleasure thing out.

And that lack of communication can absolutely get in the way of sexual satisfaction.

Talking about sex and pleasure with your partner can strengthen intimacy, increase satisfaction, and yes...

potentially lead to more orgasms.

Sounds like a conversation worth having to me.

Stimulation Might Be Required

Here’s another little fact I want you to tuck into your brain:

Penetration alone doesn't work for everyone.

And that's completely normal.

Research has found that women experience orgasms in different ways and often need different types of stimulation.

One study found that only about 18% of women said intercourse alone was enough for orgasm.

Meanwhile, about 36% said they needed clitoral stimulation to orgasm, and another 36% said clitoral stimulation wasn't absolutely necessary, but it made their orgasms feel better.

So if your clitterbell needs a little extra attention...

Congratulations. You're normal.

Your body isn't broken.

You're not difficult.

And you definitely aren't “too much.”

Your pleasure preferences are simply your pleasure preferences.

The type of stimulation you enjoy, how much of it you need, and how long it takes to get there can vary from woman to woman.

And there are plenty of other things that can affect your ability to orgasm too, including:

• Stress
• Depression or low mood
• Certain medications
• Hormonal changes
• Relationship issues
• Feeling uncomfortable or distracted
• Not having enough time to become fully ȁrouse

And yes, women may sometimes need more time and stimulation to become fully ȁrouse than their partners.

Which brings me to an important reminder:

Your body is not on a stopwatch.

Closing the Orgasm Gap

So how do we start closing that gap?

We TALK.

Talk about what feels good.

Talk about what doesn't.

Talk about fantasies.

Talk about what you've enjoyed before.

Talk about what you'd like to try.

You can even make it fun with sexual games, questions, or exploring something new together.

And if you need a little extra stimulation during Sex, there is absolutely nothing wrong with bringing a toy into the bedroom.

In fact, sometimes the right toy can be the third wheel your bedroom never knew it needed. 😉

If you're looking for ways to build more intimacy with your partner, explore new activities together, or simply get more comfortable talking about pleasure, start small.

You don't have to become a Sex expert overnight.

You just have to be willing to learn your body and communicate what you discover.

And if you're feeling adventurous, exploring kink can also be a fun way to learn more about pleasure, boundaries, and what turns you on.

The Bottom Line

Your sexual satisfaction matters just as much as your partner's.

Your pleasure isn't a bonus feature.

It's not something you earn after making sure everyone else is happy.

And your goal doesn't always have to be an orgasm.

Sometimes the goal is connection.

Sometimes it's laughing until you can't breathe.

Sometimes it's trying something new.

Sometimes it's simply being present in your body without worrying about whether you're doing it “right.”

Sex should give you room to be authentic, relaxed, comfortable, curious, and free.

So stop measuring your experience against someone else's.

Learn your body.

Speak up about what you want.

Give yourself permission to explore.

And most importantly...

Let your pleasure be your measure.

 

Have a magical day! 🦄✨

PassionatelyMel